The two most powerful words to use daily is…
We have automatic beliefs, automatic behaviours and social “masks” we put on. Have you ever been in the middle of an intense fight with your spouse, and all of a sudden the phone rings and when you pick up the call, you act as if everything is fine and normal?) Or if you’re having a moody day, you run into an acquaintance and all of a sudden, you put a smile on your face to act as if everything is ok because you don’t really want them to know you’re not feeling okay? These “social masks” help protect us from feel in vulnerable, and we think will protect us from awkward social situations (and sometimes they do!)
If you were to take a “snap shot” of any situation of your life, what’s happening in that situation is usually a reflection of how you do life in other areas of your life as well.
So for example, if you’re standing in front of the mirror, and you’re automatic thoughts are to the tune of self-criticism about your appearance, and your automatic behaviours are to just allow yourself to be bullied (by you) more and more as the minutes goes on, where else in your life are you just criticizing yourself and allowing this to happen?
Work? Don’t think you are good enough for a promotion? Not feeling like you deserve a raise? Worried about what your coworkers are thinking about you? Then you continue to allow yourself to feel this way because you do nothing about it.
As a parent? Experiencing guilt for thinking you should have known better in how to parent your child in a specific situation? Then beating yourself up with what you should have done instead?
Sex life? Can’t stop focusing on how your partner is touching the parts of your body you are self-conscious about? As a result, you allow your self-criticism to WIN by making love in the dark, or taking away your right to feel 100% pleasure in the moment.
Socially? You can’t stop worrying about what the other person must be thinking about when they first meet you, or that you think what you just said was just so stupid that other people surely must think so too, you can’t stop feeling self-conscious about how you must be appearing to other people. As a result, you allow these thoughts of self-doubt to take away fun from your night.
I know, I’ve been there before too.
The good news is, you can CHANGE your beliefs and behaviours.
But you got to CHOOSE to be more conscious. You got to CHOOSE to WAKE UP.
What I mean is really examine your thoughts. Develop Body Love Nutrient M for Mindfulness, or as some of you may come to know it as your “Third Eye” or “Observes’s Hat”. This is about observing your thoughts and behaviours without judgement- just noticing with curiosity.
Think of a situation you are unhappy about right now.
Next time you’re in that situation, watch your own thoughts without judgement as your automatic beliefs arise and your automatic behaviours follow.
And in this moment, be conscious that you can CHOOSE to have different thoughts to arise and you can CHOOSE to have different behaviours.
Write down what other thoughts you wish you could be having instead (assuming that in most cases, it would be positive thoughts), and what behaviours you wish to be doing instead.
Then experiment with INSERTING these thoughts and/or behaviours instead the next time you are in the challenging situation.
Evaluate how you felt the situation went for you, and although it may feel awkward at first, give it a try for a few times and see if it gets easier. Don’t give up only after one time. After all, these automatic beliefs and behaviours have been hanging around for a REALLY long time. It will take some time to change them. Expect it to be a bit sloppy, messy and awkward. And trust that with time, these new thoughts and behaviours that you have consciously choose to use will serve you and change your life for the better.
Let me know how this goes for you!
If you’re curious about how to be more conscious to change your automatic negative thoughts and behaviours about your body image and your relationship with yourself, join me on my webinar later today!
How to Rock Your Body With Love & Confidence!