I just recently took a 5-day personal development course put on by Creators Code, called “The Launch” on June 1 that transformed me to another chapter in my journey called LIFE. This was no ordinary personal development course, it an experiential course that was 10-12 hours each day and we DIVED IN DEEP! This course really inspired me to write this post.
I am here today blogging not as a psychologist but rather just me- Rosalyn – when I am not wearing my therapist hat, my wife, mom, sister or daughter hats… I am here just like you, a regular human being. I see myself first as human and my other roles are secondary. And what I learned from this personal development course is that sometimes who I am as a therapist hijacks my ability to be human. Although I show up authentically real with my clients – supporting, loving, direct, I call bullshit when I see it… I also have parts of me that I don’t show, because it isn’t appropriate or professional. hey, No I want to see their therapist have a meltdown, right? 😉
So my point is that sometimes I fear that people will be shocked when I express the range of human experiences in my personal life because “I’m a therapist and I should know better”. But guess what? I sometimes get angry and scream at my kids, sometimes I play small because I don’t want to seem like I am bragging or being too much, sometimes I have moments of self consciousness about my body, sometimes i am guarded, sometimes I zone out on Facebook because I don’t want to deal with life. These all sound like familiar behaviors to some of you, right? Yeah, we all have ways in how we show up in the world as a way to emotionally protect ourselves.
My work is to help people come back into their wholeness and essence of who they were when they were born – which is pure love, light and joy. I sometimes forgot to do this for myself because I am so passionate about helping others I forget about me – and during this course I was able to reconnect with that little girl in me that remembers playfulness, silliness, colouring outside the lines and being unapologetically me.
Can you imagine a world if we could all get back to being in our true essence, when we didn’t have to please anyone, play small so we don’t have to hurt others feelings, or toughen up because we don’t feel safe, disconnect from our heart because someone hurt it too many times, speak our truths to each other without worrying about offending anyone, and receiving feedback from others without feeling judged or offended?
I have this dream and I truly believe I’m on the path to contributing to it both professionally and personally. My dream and passion is to become a conscious loving human being and helping others do so as well, meaning to be so aware not only of ourselves, but also those around us. To be a conscious collective where we love our neighbours, and strangers by showing up with kindness and compassion to ourselves and one another. Can you imagine the ripple effects this would create out in the world if people started to raise their level of self-love and loving presence to one another? There would eventually be less war, less violence, less bullying, less judgements, less shame, less abuse, less racism, less oppression, less hate. Instead there would be more peace, love, care about the environment and animals, happiness, within ourselves and with those around us- there would be a sense of community.
So my whole point of this is to share with you how precious you are, and to reflect on who you are when you aren’t wearing your masks of career role, parent, brother/ sister, friend, family member, and all these different masks we wear. This dream starts by learning to love yourself.
We were all once a young child, precious, perfect and sweet before all those words, rules and experiences came along of people telling us how to behave or not to behave, that we were bad for doing something we didn’t realize would hurt or embarrass someone else – shame is something that’s done to us- it’s not something that we did wrong. Usually someone else allowed themselves to judge the experience as bad and put that on you, as that little innocent child. Then we form a story that we are bad because we are told so. So go back to remembering who u are before all that happened… Most of us won’t be able to, but most of u can probably think of a little newborn baby- and immediately what comes up for us when we see or think of a newborn? We melt, we ooooh and ahhhhh and we think this baby is perfect. Well that baby still is the essence of you.
I have an experiment for you to try to create a powerful and heartwarming experience:
The next time you are with a loved one, it could be your partner, a dear friend, sibling, your child (best if child is 6 or older) or parent. Tell them that you’d like to try connecting with them in a way that you may not have done in a long time, and it involves touch and silence and a lot of heart.
I invite you to face that person, and hold each other’s hands…just look at each other in the eyes, keep eye contact, and just see if you can really see them. I realize it may feel awkward at first, so let the awkward feelings come up….breathe…let them pass and breathe…see if you can even match the rhythm of your breath together as you continue to look into each other’s eyes…keep breathing so that your breathe connects with your heart…and then your belly as you continue to hold your gaze with each other.
Many people believe that our eyes are the windows to our soul.
So notice that this person that’s in front of you once was a child, precious, perfect and sweet…and notice that this part of them still lives in there…then notice your own experience in your body as you become aware of the other person’s preciousness as well as your own…in this very moment, appreciate this about the other person and in yourself- in this moment you do not have to please, play small, wall up, avoid, zone out, get defensive, or whatever you do to protect yourself from the world, from feeling emotionally unsafe…in this moment, you are just you being here having this experience…you are connected in your essence.
Check in with your body about what it’s like to be in your heart space…out of your head and into your heart…notice what gets evoked in you from this experience – there is no right or wrong…just stay curious about it. Breathe in what feels good about this experience, and breathe out what doesn’t serve you. And when you’re ready, in your own way come to a close together – whether that’s a wink, squeezing each other’s hands, or giving a hug.
Now notice, how was this experience for each of you? I’d love to hear!
My wish for all of you is to come back into that essence of you so that you don’t have to mold yourself to the world, but rather the world adjusts with u. This is possible.
I just facilitated this above exercise to a group of people ranging from teen to adult, from student to entrepreneurs at a Soulfront event, and given that this exercise was “out of the ordinary” with such a diverse group of people, I was not sure how this would come through. However, I took a risk anyway, and received some beautiful feedback about how grateful people were for providing an opportunity to connecting with a stranger, acquaintance and/or a friend. It goes to speak that no matter WHO we are, or what we do professionally, or what language we speak, or what culture we live in, or where we are at in life, making human connection through touch and eye contact is simply, the most universal thing each and every person can engage in and receive nourishment from.
Want to learn more about developing SELF-LOVE?
Join me on my upcoming FREE WEBINAR: HOW TO ROCK YOUR BODY WITH LOVE AND CONFIDENCE!